How To Have An Effective Conversation

Having an effective conversation will most often begin with you asking simple questions.

Always ask questions to begin an effective  conversation, such as:

1.  Where are you from?

2.  What do you think of he weather we’re having?

3.  What business are you presently in?

4.  What time is it?

“A conversation is a dialogue, not a monologue. That’s why there are so few good conversations: due to scarcity, two intelligent talkers seldom meet.” –Truman Capote

“A single conversation across the table with a wise man is better than ten years mere study of books.” –Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Use simple, easy to remember questions in order to begin effective communication.

It is well known that “People like to talk about themselves.”  Make sure that you keep the conversation steered to the other person’s interest.  Learn their:  Why?  What?  When? Where? and How?

The Power of Agreement:

Share anything about yourself or your past experience which shows that you are like minded.  This will help the other person to like you automatically.  Me-too – I agree with you!

Become an Excellent Listener:

Once you get the other person talking long enough, they simply cannot disguise their real feelings or motives.

The Power in becoming a great listener is that it allows you to overcome any self-consciousness or self-centeredness.

Listening to people will also empower you to be more able to feel them out.  Understanding comes from listening.  You will never really understand another person unless you are completely willing to listen carefully, sympathetically and patiently.

In order to deal with people more effectively through conversation, you will have to know what people truly want, what they need and who they really are.

More steps in having an effective conversation will require you to:

a.  Always look directly at the person who is talking.

b.  Always appear deeply interested in what they are saying.

c.  Lean towards the person talking.

d.  Ask simply questions in order to get clarity of purpose.

e.  Never, no never, interrupt; instead ask them to tell you more.

f.  Always stick to the speakers subject.

g.  Be sure to use the speaker’s words in order to get your own point across.  (Once the speaker has finished speaking – repeat their words back to them to insure them that you were listening fully.  This will not only prove you’ve been listening, but is a good way to introduce your own ideas without opposition.)  Preface some of your own remarks with;  ”As you pointed out – or – It’s just like you said.

Be sure also to use a soft appeal!  Never attack another person’s ego.  When and if you are asked a question, always pause before answering.  Always respond moderately and accurately.  Never be forceful!  Calm brings more calm while force brings with it more force.

Remember it always flatters the speaker when you ask for their advice and then listen to their idea’s.

“The reason why so few people are agreeable in conversation is that each is thinking more about what he intends to say than others are saying.” –Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Learning to have an Effective Conversation will take practice, but will always be rewarding in the end.  It begins with asking questions and then becoming an Effective Listener!

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Angela Valadez
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